This is the before guide
This page is about spotting a romance scam before any money moves — the red flags to catch while you can still walk away clean.
(If money is already gone, recovering it is a separate question with very different answers.) Romance scams remain among the costliest frauds the FTC tracks, with a median individual loss around $2,000 — and many losses far larger.
The red flags, in order
- They never video-call or meet. Endless excuses — bad camera, traveling, deployed, working on a rig overseas. This is the biggest tell.
- Too fast, too intense. Declarations of love or a shared future within days or weeks of meeting online.
- They move you off the app. A quick push to keep talking on a separate messaging app, away from the platform's safeguards.
- A polished, slightly-too-perfect profile. Model-quality photos, a sympathetic backstory, a high-status job far away.
- A crisis, then a request. A medical emergency, a stuck shipment, customs fees — anything that needs money you can send fast.
- The investment pivot. They are doing great with crypto or trading and want to teach you — the on-ramp to a pig-butchering scam.
- Untraceable payment. Gift cards, wire, or cryptocurrency, never a normal reversible method.
- Secrecy and pressure. They discourage you from telling family or friends, who might see what you cannot.
How to verify, safely
- Reverse-image search their photos; stolen images often appear under several names.
- Insist on a live video call early, and treat refusal as your answer.
- Tell someone you trust. Scripts rely on isolation; a second opinion breaks the spell.
- Never send money to someone you have not met in person, and never “invest” through someone you met online.
If you suspect a scam
Stop sending money and stop the relationship; report the profile to the platform and to the FTC at reportfraud.ftc.gov.
If money has already moved or you need identity verification and evidence preserved, romance scam investigation explains what a forensic effort can — and cannot — do.
See also: Scam & Fraud Recovery Help — the hub that maps every scam type and the free reporting steps.
Sources
- U.S. Federal Trade Commission, Consumer Sentinel Network Data Book 2024 — romance scams. https://www.ftc.gov/reports/consumer-sentinel-network-data-book-2024
- FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3), 2024 Internet Crime Report — confidence/romance fraud, 2024. https://www.ic3.gov/AnnualReport/Reports/2024_IC3Report.pdf
- U.S. Federal Trade Commission — Consumer Advice, What to know about romance scams. https://consumer.ftc.gov/
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